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Closest I Ever Came

from Say When by Sam Steffen

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lyrics

I’m wounded—some arrow must’ve caught me off guard
I can’t see my own hand in this place, it’s so dark
Lady luck must’ve held out to deal me these cards
In this light, every bull’s eye’s a big questionmark
I don’t want to keep you if you don’t wish to remain
Still I wish there were something I could say to explain
I only wanted to feel like I wasn’t insane
Loving you was the closest that I ever came

I’m not one to accomplish whatever I set out to do
There’s only so much that one person can try
Using brass-tacks and duct-tape, adhesives and glue
You can stop all the holes but it don’t mean you can fly
I don’t want to keep you if you don’t wish to remain
Still I wish there were something I could say to explain
I just wanted someway to keep out of the rain
Loving you was the closest that I ever came

Over and over I ask myself: Why?—
at what point, exactly, did my intentions stray?
I can’t help but feel, no matter how hard I try
The whole time, it was only an armslength away

I’ve sought buried treasure using antique maps
I’ve travelled extensively on the rumor of jewels
I’ve interviewed strangers, collected their facts
Withstood the judgment of prophets and fools
I don’t want to keep you if you don’t wish to remain
Still I wish there were something I could say to explain
I just wanted money, power, fortune and fame—
Loving you was the closest that I ever came

Don’t say it, you don’t have to—I’m goin away
These words are the last you’ll hear from me for a time
It gets more confusing the longer I stay
It’s not working out for you—and that’s fine
I don’t want to keep you if you don’t wish to remain
Still I wish there were something I could say to explain
I just wanted someone who’d take her share of the blame
Loving you was the closest that I ever came

BRIDGE

The search must continue, what can I do but go on?
I’ll keep movin til I find a new home, I suppose
Where some lonesome lady’s waiting up for the dawn
Prayin for respite from all that she knows
I don’t want to keep you if you don’t wish to remain
Still I wish there were something I could say to explain
I just wanted someone who knew me by my name
Loving you was the closest that I ever came

Time’s passing—I’m agin—getting older each day
There’s more to look back on than ahead to by now
I thought I’d be happy, but what can I say?
I believed it back then, and always knew it somehow
I don’t want to keep you if you don’t wish to remain
Still I wish there were something I could say to explain
I just wanted someway of easing my pain
Loving you was the closest that I ever came

credits

from Say When, released October 3, 2021

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Sam Steffen Boise, Idaho

Sam Steffen is a Pennsylvania-bred, Boise-based singer-songwriter whose songs are the torch-wood for a new generation of folk music that has learned from the best stuff in the tradition and aims in spite of everything to keep the human spirit alive and kicking. A versatile musician and skilled finger-picker, Sam is at heart a story-teller, and a prolific one. ... more

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