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Maxims, Mantras & Moral Tales

by Sam Steffen

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1.
Why Should I Be Kind to My Neighbor? 04:48
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In the states we got capitalism, Seems to serve some pretty well— The rich have the money and power Rest of us are going to hell— But it’s the same rules governing nature: “only the fittest survive” But whether you’re fit or a failure Seems like everyone wants to know “Why—? Chorus Why should I be kind to my neighbor? Tell me, what’s in it for me? Why should I do him a favor? When he ain’t done nothing for me? There ain’t no money in kindness Nobody ever got rich doing good You want me to be kind to my neighbor Tell me again why I should— Well the teachers are up in the classrooms They’re doing the best that they can to keep all their kids out of trouble to give every child some sort of plan they’re teaching them science and history English, geography, math but what do they tell to the children who put up their hands just to ask: CHORUS The preachers are up in their pulpits They’re tellin everyone to do right They say we should all be like Jesus They’re tryin to fight the good fight They tell all about all the wisdom he shared How he lived his whole life without sin— How he tried to stand up to the empire… But won’t you look at what happened to him—so: CHORUS In the states we all got our freedom We got our American Dream The freedom to say it’s all dandy And to pretend things are just as they seem But as far as a strong moral compass We gave up on that quest long-ago Preferring, instead, the old mindset that’s hung up on wanting to know: CHORUS
2.
Maybe 07:01
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Gather round me children and I’ll teach you the way You can grow up to be like your role models today To talk like a true-blue bona-fide head of state If you want to elude any kind of question Just pay attention to these here suggestions And in no time at all you’ll be able to prevaricate You don’t need to believe in no superstition To learn to talk like a politician All you got to do is look innocently At your accusers and say, on three (one, two, three) Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it isn’t Maybe that’s a yes, maybe that’s a big fat no When you got no cause, no case, no proof Maybe maybe’s the closest you can get to the truth Maybe we ought to just let the whole thing go Adam and eve in the garden of eden Were told about a fruit they should refrain from eatin God said, “If you ever do, by god it’ll be a sin” One day as the good lord was passin on by He caught sight of the couple out the corner of his eye Wearing clothes behind which they was trine to hide from him He called em over said, Adam and eve What are you doin wearin them old fig-leaves? Who do you spose you are tryin to fool? Did you go ahead and break my one and only rule? Maybe we did, maybe we didn’t Maybe it’s our fault, maybe it isn’t Maybe that’s a yes, and maybe that’s a big fat no When you got no cause, no case no proof Maybe maybe’s the closest you’ll ever get to the truth Hell, Maybe we ought to just let the whole thing go Old man Washington had a cherry tree Yielded lots of cherries sweet as can be His wife used to gather em to make her famous pie One day the old man went into town, Came back found that old tree chopped down The sight brought tears of rage into his tired eyes In his loudest voice he called to his only son Said, George, get out here—and George, he come Said, George, don’t you tell no lie to me Was it you who cut down my cherry tree? Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t Maybe it’s my fault, maybe it isn’t Maybe that’s a yes, maybe that’s a big fat no When you got no cause no case no proof Maybe maybe’s the closest you’ll ever get to the truth Hell, maybe we ought to just let the whole thing go William Clinton was an American president Had a reputation that was without precedent Swore to protect and serve his country all his life One day word broke about some sort of affair That gave everybody a little bit of a scare He’d been publicly accused of cheating on his wife Well they called a meeting, and they called the press Tried to make old Bill confess Everybody thought they had him caught When they said did you have relations with that woman or not? He said, maybe I did, maybe I didn’t Maybe it’s my fault maybe it isn’t, Maybe that’s a yes, maybe that’s a big fat no When you got no cause no case no proof Maybe maybe’s the closest you’ll ever get to the truth Heck maybe we ought to just let the whole thing go Lance Armstrong was a professional cyclist Who overcame cancer, was on everyone’s like-list Most would have said he was the best athlete there ever was One day the US Drug Administration Performed a retrospective investigation To see whether he had ever used performance enhancing drugs Well they checked his blood and wouldn’t you note Lance Armstrong’s blood was full of dope They asked him about his blood-test results: They said: well, what do you have to say for yourself? He said, well maybe I did, maybe I didn’t Maybe it’s my fault maybe it isn’t Maybe that’s a yes, and maybe it’s a big fat no When you got no cause no case no proof Maybe maybe’s the closest you’ll ever get to the truth Hell, maybe we ought to just let the whole thing go
3.
Easier Said Than Done 07:19
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In the beginning all was darkness, there was a black wind on the waves God said, “Someone turn a light on, please,” and the light he called, the day The dark he called the night-time, and then he counted to one And when the first day, it was finished, he said, “It was easier said than done,” It’s easier said than done Startin off with less than none Workin up towards having some Getting past where you’re comin from Its simpler lost than won Likelier left than brung Oftener spoke than sung It’s easier said than done Second day God made the heavens, set em high above the earth Then he said, “Now I’ll make what’s left to make of this here universe,” And when the sea below the sky above he’d separated from He reached down to wash his hands, said “It was easier said than done.” The Third day he made the oceans, made the rivers and the seas The lands were carpeted with grasses and he outfitted them with trees And out upon their branches grew the peach, the pear, the plum And when he thought about it he thought, “It was easier said than done.” Fourth day he installed the stars and thereby designed the night Then he put in all the planets and he thought it looked alright Then he sent em in a circle goin all around the sun And when he’d had a better look, he said “It was easier said than done.” Fifth day God made the creatures for the waters and the skies Made the swordfish and the mollusk and the seagull and magpie He said, “Let there be mosquitoes, and let them breed upon the scum,” And lo and behold it was—and it was easier said than done Sixth day God made the zebra, he made the lion and the ox, He made the lemur and the elephant and the hound-dog and the fox He said, “From out of dust and ashes let the human beings come,” And so people were created—and it was easier said than done. The Seventh day, God spoke to Adam right before he took his rest, Said, “Do you promise to take care of this?” Adam said, “We’ll do our best,” God was satisfied to trust him, but from the world he stood among Adam seemed to know too well it would be easier said than done Well I guess some time has passed since then and now the world is getting old The oceans have been traveled and the lands have all been sold And some would say there’s nothing new beneath that aging sun Some would say that proving that would be easier said than done But me I say the problems of the world ain’t yet been solved People aint stopped killin folks, our problems ain’t resolved Until the bells of mercy in the halls of justice have been rung Love will always be a thing that’s easier said than done Chorus
4.
You Can't Always Have It Both Ways - Ver 1 04:21
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I knew a man, he had a lover One day she killed him with a kitchen knife she learned he’d been out with another who, it turned out, the whole time, had been his wife It’s hard to always do the right thing It’s never an open-and-shut case I’d rather have my cake—and eat it, too But you can’t always have it both ways I know a man, had life insurance Big old million dollar claim He faked his death in a disappearance now he can’t tell anyone his name It’s hard to always do the right thing It’s hard to know just what to chase If I knew what I now know, a long time ago… But you can’t always have it both ways Jesus Christ had many a follower He said, “You can come along, too, if you decide, But you can’t worship that almighty dollar And go round thinkin you’re on my side I know its hard to always do the right thing When the right thing don’t hardly pay I’d rather be a good and a rich man, But you know you can’t always have it both ways” You can have all of our memories to speak to Apologize to em, one by one You can take all the time and words you need to But you can’t undo what you done And its hard to always do the right thing The right thing changes every day I’d rather need you—and be needed, too But you can’t always have it both ways
5.
All the Thanks You'll Get 04:57
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Well I had me a girlfriend a while ago; I loved her, and she loved me So I got the crazy notion to ask her if she’d want to start a family She said yes, we both got dressed and went before the priest He said “Anyone know why these two shouldn’t wed? Speak now or hold your peace!” Well grandpa jumped up in his mighty old age and he said “there’s one reason I can see Getting married’s not all fun and games, it’s a lot of responsibility I don’t want to say you can’t do it, it’s just that there’s a lot to risk Soon as you have kids, they’ll take all you got, then forget that you exist— And that’s all the thanks you’ll get All the thanks you’ll get You work hard to keep a roof abovem They call you liar when you tellem you love em All the thanks you get All the thanks you get It’s a raw deal, full-time gig And you sure can’t raise em like your parents did Otherwise they’ll just try and get rid—of you Well I went to school like folks said I should and I graduated in four years and soon as I had received my diploma, they said, now find yourself some career well I looked around and I couldn’t find nothing until one day, suddenly I got a job hauling furniture for a moving company my first day there, they threw this party for a guy they all admired said he’d been with the company forty years and was time for him to retire course he was injured something terrible, he could barely keep up his head but when he saw what he got for severance pay, this is what he said: That’s all the thanks I get All the thanks I get? broke my back, ruined my knees paid all my own hospital fees and that’s all the thanks I get? All the thanks I get? For all the time and effort I gave Just to be treated like a slave A one way ticket to an early grave—is my reward? Well I was walking by the recruiting office, with my thumb I was flippin a coin A man was out there telling me that Uncle Sam wanted me to join I said, “Join what?” and the recruiter said, “Why, buddy, that’s all up to you—” Air Force, Navy, National Guard—long as it’s red, white, and blue,” Well I was about to sign up when all of a sudden another man comes up to me He’s in a wheelchair and he’s got no legs and he’s wearing military fatigues The recruiter told him to get lost, but the fella shouted out “Beware!” He said, “I used to be just like you, now stead of legs all I got’s this chair—” And that’s all—the thanks you’ll get That’s all—the thanks you’ll get fight and kill just to stay alive Make it home, you start to wish you had died All—the thanks you’ll get All—the thanks you’ll get I’m a shell-shockd, manic-depressed Got shards of shrapnel in my chest Had nothing to start, now I got less—than that Well I was feeling sorta lost and a little confused about what I ought to do Seems like everywhere I could think to go, there was some good reason not to Friend of mine told me to seek some counsel, the counselor said, “Try church” I said alright, I need help, I don’t see how that could hurt The preacher that Sunday was preachin a sermon bout this fella named Jesus Christ Who helped the poor and healed the sick and never sinned in his whole life Who taught humanity all the lessons it would ever need to learn Who was betrayed, tortured, mocked, flogged and crucified in return And that’s all the thanks you’ll get all the thanks you’ll get you see a problem and you try to be kind people treat you like you’re out of your mind all the thanks you’ll get all the thanks you’ll get you try to do a simple favor lend a hand to your struggling neighbor he don’t give you nothing for your labor—hell no—just a slap in the face
6.
Makin It Up (Right As We Go Along) 04:24
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Some folks’ll tell you if you wanna be happy, havin a plan is the only way You gotta get all your ducks in a row if you want those birds to lay But my whole philosophy of life is, here today, then you’re gone Might as well make the whole thing up right as you go along Well I went to see my fortune teller to learn about my destiny She took ahold of both of my hands said, Well come here now, let me see I asked her how she could tell my future just from lookin down at my palms She winked and said, Honey, we’re just makin it up, right as we go along Well I got this one friend, he’s an actor, he works on the broadway stage He’s the sorta fella can play any character of any gender, class or age He says sometimes he’ll forget a line, but the show—it must go on After that you’re just makin it up right as you go along I knew a man was a high-stakes gambler, he was a wizard at roulette I watched him hustle a millionaire right out of the keys to a brand-new corvette He said, you know you can’t guess right all the time, but it’s awful hard to be wrong When you’re just makin the whole thing up, right as you go along I met a man could play the guitar better than anybody else I knew Everything from jazz to swing to folk rock and the blues He said I may not know all of the words ever written to every song But it’s okay when you’re just makin it up right as you go along I got these friends, they live uptown, they make love look like such a sinch They first met back when the war was on and they’ve been married ever since I said, “With so many people getting divorced, how is it that you’ve stayed so strong?” The said, Hell, we’ve just been makin it up right as we go along Well the Corinthians wrote to old saint paul about this problem that they had It seems despite discovering Christianity, folks was still behaving bad Paul wrote back and in so many words he said, “Keep calm—carry on—” Like he was just makin the whole thing up right as he went along Lastnight I was watchin the old TV, and I caught some of the presidential debate All these characters was up on stage for the audience to interrogate Everytime anybody was accused of something, they’d deny it and say, “That’s wrong” Just like they was just makin it up, right as they went along
7.
The Grand Scheme / The Midas Touch 04:25
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Try to take all good advice; don’t do once what you must do twice Don’t be mean, always be nice and kind Keep your head up and do your best; make sure you get yourself plenty of rest Be a leader, see that no one’s left behind Chew your food, be polite, when it ain’t in use turn off the light Don’t be late, be early, or at least be right on time Wear a helmet, don’t get hurt, comb your hair, tuck in your shirt Wait your turn—you’ll soon be next in line O but its hard to keep on grinning when everyone cept you is winnin And everything feels like it’s spinning right down the toiletbowl’s mainstream And even if you got that midas touch, time still turns everything to dust Night to morning, dawn to dusk, gold to brass, steel to rust No, nothing ain’t worth very much in the grand-scheme Mind your manners, mind your health, stand up straight, introduce yourself Speak clearly, to the point, and don’t be shy When in doubt just play it cool, keep out of trouble, stay in school Wear your seatbelt when you drive or fly Pay your taxes, pay your dues, pull up your pants, tie your shoes On election day don’t forget to register and vote Treat your neighbor as you would yourself, if you strike it rich well, share the wealth We may have our differences, but we’re all in the same boat But it’s hard to keep on keepin when the liferaft’s long been leakin And existence goes on eeking out getting more and more highstrung And even if you got the Midas touch, time still turns everything to dust Night to morning, dawn to dusk, gold to brass, steel to rust No nothing ain’t worth very much in the long-run Don’t complain, don’t talk back, cite your sources, check your facts If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing t’all Check your tires, check your oil—bring that water to a boil Keep your elbows up and your eye upon the ball Always listen to your dad, pledge allegiance to the flag Deck the halls with boughs fa la la la la la la la Do the right thing when you can, smile for the camera man You know the drill—blah, blah, blah, blah, blah But it’s hard to keep on servin when your master’s undeserving And your loyalty’s been swerving like sparks off the main grindstone And even if you got that Midas touch, time still turns everything to dust Night to morning, dawn to dusk, gold to brass, steel to rust All you get’s a “Thank You Very Much” etched on your headstone
8.
The Sneezing Song (God Bless You) 05:46
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Well let me tell you bout a friend I know / he sneezes everywhere he goes He’s got the worst case of allergies as I’ve seen anywhere Aside from pollen, dust, dirt, and grass / plastic, wood, metal, glass He’s allergic to fresh water and fresh air Most foods he cannot touch, just says, “No thank you, very much” Can’t have gluten, corn or wheat or flax or whey Dogs and cats he can’t go near and most people seem to give him fear Cause most of our conversations go this way: “Achoo! Achoo! Pardon me!” “Bless you!” “Would you happen to have, by any chance, a—choo!” “If you are gonna sneeze, for goodness sakes man, use your sleeve! And may God bless you!” “Achoo!” Now the thing about this friend of mine is that he gets a little bit down sometimes On account of cause he thinks that he is scorned People always seem to think he’s sick, sneezing like a lunatic But he says it’s just the way that he was born That always seems to give me pause; I guess no one’s without his flaws “Still” he says, “I wish it wasn’t so,” I say, “Man, don’t let it get you down, you may not be the healthiest guy in town But you’re more God-blessed than anyone else I know” Chorus Now thinkin about this friend I got always brings me round to another thought Concerning what is wrong and what is right Seems that some would try to attribute the instinct to bless a sneezing brute To manners, saying that it’s just polite Then they’ll go ahead and designate tween folks to love and folks to hate And say that God’ll only bless a precious few Now I don’t know that that’s the truth, I’ve heard it said but that sure ain’t proof But if it is, well, God help me and you Chorus I prefer to think that we’re all due for at least one blessing, if not two That it hardly matters whether we’re first or last If you need a reason just say because sneezing’s something everybody does No exceptions, no exclusions, or outcasts So God Bless You: whether lost or found, high or low or up or down God bless you, whether chained or bound for home God bless the mad, the meek, the mild, each complaining crying child God bless the bastard and the orphan, all alone God bless the scoundrels and the scabs, the beggars on corners dressed in rags And every person that’s hard pressed to find a buck God bless the hobo and the bum, the hitchhiker with his waving thumb God bless the truckers who’ll stop to pick him up God bless the guilty and the innocent, the 1 and the 99 percent God bless the ones who don’t know which ones they are God bless the hopeless and the poor, the gangster, thug, the pimp, the whore God bless the man who holds the door ajar God bless all the women and the men, and anybody that’s a blend Who falls down somewhere in between the two Christian, Buddhist, Muslim, Jew; God bless the atheists, too They all sneeze, just like me and you—achoo! God bless the captain and the cook, the storeowner and the crook Everyone who doesn’t look like he’s supposed to God bless the black, the white, the red, God bless the living and the dead And everyone who’s ever said, “Achoo!” God bless you, whether straight or gay, God bless the ones who swing both ways God bless the ones who don’t have to pick a side God bless the inmates on Death Row, the strong man in the circus show God bless the bearded woman, who’s his bride God bless the jesters and the clowns, God bless the addicts, falling down God bless the ones who wear crowns of gold and thorns God bless the pope, the priest, the nun; the fans who fill up the stadium God bless the dirty devils and their horns God bless the doctor and the nurse, the driver of the village hearse The gardner and the man who digs the graves God bless the nations, each and all, God bless the world that ain’t so small And anyone else I might’ve forgot to say Chorus
9.
You Can't Always Have It Both Ways - Ver 2 04:49
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You can’t be a locksmith if you don’t got keys You can’t be a beekeeper if you ain’t got bees And you can’t be a doctor if you don’t get your degrees It doesn’t matter what your parents say You can’t always have it both ways You can’t sound the alarm if there ain’t no bell You can’t tell the story if there’s no story to tell You can’t have your cake and eat it as well It doesn’t matter what the billboards say You can’t always have it both ways You can’t take it easy if you’re takin it fast You can’t use it up and expect it to last You can’t see the future if you’re living in the past It doesn’t matter what the calendars say You can’t always have it both ways You can shop for products from the comfort of your home Hear all about the world outside on your mobile telephone But you can’t really be a part of it if you’re always alone No you can’t—no you can’t You can’t be a boxer if you can’t take a punch You can’t solve no mystery if you got no hunch You can’t expect me to work without a break for lunch I don’t care what the bosses say You can’t always have it both ways You can’t tie a strong knot if you got weak rope You can’t have lasting love without faith and hope I’s in love with a woman, she’s married to some dope— It don’t matter what your vows may say You can’t always get it both ways You can’t make a difference if you don’t go and try You can’t fulfill demand if you got no supply You can’t give people guns and expect no one to die You can’t pour a blind cup and not expect it to spill You can’t withhold supply and expect demands to be filled You can’t give people guns and expect no one to get killed It doesn’t matter what the laws may say You can’t always have it both ways You can believe everything that you hear bout on the news Believe that folks is evil cause it’s the life they choose But you can’t never know a person til you’ve walked round in his shoes No you can’t—no you can’t From where he’s been, you can’t tell where a man’s headin From what he says you can’t tell at what he’s gettin and you can’t be a rich man and get into heaven It doesn’t matter what your paystubs say You can’t always have it both ways You can’t be sure if you sound so hesitant You can’t remember seeing something that’s without precedent You can’t be an idiot and run for president Then again…lets see what the papers say After all, this is the USA Anybody can be king for just a day Sometimes, I guess, you can have it both ways
10.
On Down the Road 04:55
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I awoke—it was the Hour of Rest, I didn’t get any but I gave it my best The telescreen cried, “What a beautiful day!” while outside my window all I saw was the gray Smoke rising out of the fires below where sooner or later they tell me everyone goes Whether you’re willing or unprepared, it doesn’t make a difference to the Man Upstairs I clocked in, took my place on the line, made the same old motion til it was quittin time I got paid, went out on the town, drank a few free ones and bought a few rounds It got late; I came home around one, got to thinking again how this has never been fun Last thought I had before I dropped off to sleep was that if this is my life, then I’ve got to be On down—the road Don’t look now but you got a long way to go They’re putting something in the water, it’s makin everyone smile; you don’t notice it until you’ve been without it awhile And I’m sick now—I been puking my guts, but it’s a small price to pay to keep from goin nuts Utopia: that’s the name of the Brand on every can, cup and bottle in the Fatherland Where you’re free to be free, here, if only in dreams—so long as it doesn’t interrupt the machine I met the devil under an old willow tree—he didn’t look like such a bad fellow to me He said, “Good and Evil: you know you cain’t always tell. One man’s heaven is just another man’s hell— Folks always ask me why I do what I done, I tell em it’s cause I got punished before I knew how come They took my dignity, liberty, all that was mine; way I see it, I’m just making up for lost time— chorus In real life, there ain’t no progress at all; you get over the fence—you’re still facin a wall your country’s the dirt underneath of your nails, your name’s just a word for when your history fails and tomorrow, it will all be the same, the farmers will starve as they wait for the rain the sword’s as corrupt as the soil it plowed, you can ask for permission, but you’re never allowed You want trouble? Here, let me give you my card—you live in a bubble and you think your life’s hard You’re down on your knees and you’re trying to pray, but your prayers’ve been answered, 24 hours a day We proved it; we got misery beat, you can’t argue with numbers, just rinse and repeat Or else increase your dosage, take as much as you need; if nothing changes call me, if you need me, I’ll be— Chorus

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released October 3, 2021

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Sam Steffen Boise, Idaho

Sam Steffen is a Pennsylvania-bred, Boise-based singer-songwriter whose songs are the torch-wood for a new generation of folk music that has learned from the best stuff in the tradition and aims in spite of everything to keep the human spirit alive and kicking. A versatile musician and skilled finger-picker, Sam is at heart a story-teller, and a prolific one. ... more

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