I Need a Job

from by Sam Steffen



Chorus: Job! I need a job! I need a job, job, job
Job! I need a job! I need a job! Job! Job!

I filled out your applications, I supplied my resume
I can’t wait until tomorrow you got to let me know today

Are you hirin? Are you firing? Are you letting people go?
If there’s room in there for new recruits you gotta let me know.

I’m the best that you could hire, I’m persistent as they come
I don’t never quit a project til the project is all done

I won’t complain I won’t talk back I’ll be as servile as can be
If you want someone who’ll be faithful then you got to hire me

I’ll come early I’ll stay later, I’ll do more than what I’m asked
I’ll exceed your expectations in every chore and task


What position am I looking for? What positions have you got?
I’ll do anything you pay me to, reasonable or not

I’ll clean toilets, I’ll mop basements, I’ll sweep chimneys, roof to floor
I’ll bake muffins, I’ll make coffee, I’ll sell insurance door-to-door

I’ll sort clothing, I’ll deliver pizza, I’ll answer telephones all day
As long as you are payin me I’ll do anything you say

I’ll throw papers, give directions, I’ll tear tickets to the show
I’ll ring up groceries, make inspections, I’ll watch watermelons grow

I’ll collect garbage, I’ll wash dishes, I’ll write tickets by the score
I’ll dance around in public just to advertise your store


Check my background, check my birthday, check the references I’ve named
Tho if you’d just take my word for it, it’ll amount to about the same

Qualifications, certifications, education—I got those
And as for my experience, well I got that too I spose

I been a farmer, been a baker, been a fast hand on the line
Been a salesman, been a showman, been in trades of every kind

I’m quick to learn, slow to forget, I’ll be the easiest to train
Everything’s my occupation, and hard-work’s my middle name

I ain’t beggin for no handouts, I aim to work to make my wage
I’ll do whatever work you ask me, at whatever rate it pays


I got kids and they are hungry I got a wife that’s hungry too
Mouths to feed from Pennsylvania all the way to Timbuktu

My landlady is a hounddog and I’m three months late on rent
The inheritance I just received, well somehow it got spent

I got bills and fees and fines to pay, the none of which I can
I would have to be ten people, but I only am one man

I’m deep in debt, you bet, seems I owe everybody some
Ain’t got two dimes to rub together, hell, I ain’t even got a one

I asked you once politely, now I’m beggin on my knees
Now I’m kissin your old bootstrings, just gimme that job, please


Song! I got a song! I got a song! Song ! Song!
And if you don’t start to pay me I’ll just sing it all day long



from Ain't It a Pity?, released July 31, 2016



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Sam Steffen Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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